Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Why I Love Douches

I told a couple people to come to a pool party I'm going to at some Hollywood club. They said no, it would be "douchey."

This is accurate, but what people need to understand is that douches fuck. Douches dress like douches because there are girls that like to fuck douches, and girls who hang out with douches like to fuck. They don't like to read David Foster Wallace and discuss vegan restaurants; they like to fuck.

Things like education, high degree of literacy, political engagement, etc. etc., are all negatively correlated with fucking. The worse you were raised, the more you fuck. And a douche is just a working class or poorly-educated nouveau riche person in a large city, who ornaments himself in a way that will be most effective at getting him fucked. He is not preoccupied with obscure records or signing petitions to the Ugandan government or any of the other shit that these liberal arts types will belabor endlessly.

Douche chicks get drunk and fuck. They get hammered and pull their bikini bottoms to the side and let you slip it in rawdog in the pool, provided you have taken care to spend thousands of hours in the gym giving yourself pumpkinseed-shaped deltoids. So these are the people I would rather spend a Saturday with, by a factor of about one million billion, than a bunch of MFA candidate chicks who will not even look at you unless you have a huge enough beard to indicate that you could not possibly be employed and therefore must be in a semi-successful band, or that band's equipment manager. Some third-tier hanger-on of Sufjan Stevens. However you spell it.

Anyway. Give these douche parties a shot, is all I'm saying.

1 Comments:

Blogger christopher said...

Testimony on a spell caster who brought my gay partner back to me, I'm happily in a gay relationship, A very big problem occurred in my life five months ago,between me and my partner so terrible that he broke our romantic and the sexiest relationship i ever had all my life, he said that he never wanted to stay with me anymore that he didn't love me anymore. he packed out of my house and made me passed through several pains. I tried all my possible best to get him back, after much begging, and he confirmed it that he has made his decision never to see me again. one evening,i met a friend who asked of my partner . i explained every thing to him, he told me the only way i can get my partner back is to visit a spell caster because it has really worked for him too. i never believed in spell but i had no option than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{drniceharbelhealinghome@gmail.com } the next morning i sent a mail to the address and the spell caster assured me that i will get my partner back in three days.What an amazing statement!! I never believed, he spoke with me and told me all i need to do which i did. on the second morning, surprisingly my partner who didn't call me for the past five months gave me a call to inform me he is coming back that was how he came back same day with lots of love and joy and she apologized for his mistakes pains he caused me . Then from that day our relationship is now stronger than ever before,by the help of a spell caster.i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website {drniceharbelhealinghome@gmail.com },if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back or getting promotion in your office,talk and obey or having any kind of sickness such as cancer, HIV AIDS, or any kind of disease Contact him today on this Email: drniceharbelhealinghome@gmail.com

6:13 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home