Saturday, May 01, 2010

Diary 2/17/10: One Drop

I am afraid that I have impregnated this prostitute. (NAME REDACTED). I’m afraid that in my attempt to get off after her pussy was all loose from coming I shot the first drop in her. I don’t have a specific memory that I pulled out in time. It doesn’t help when you have a chick saying “fill me full of cum” and “make me pregnant,” when that is all you ever want to do. When it’s the only thing you ever jerk off to. God damn, I mean, at least I didn’t fully cum in her. When did I start spelling it “cum” by the way? It seems so much more erotic this way. I might have. I might have taken her word for it and just fully shot my cum in her. Then I would be living in real dread, instead of just a very minor nagging fear. I should have told her to get emergency contraception.

What happens if she gets pregnant? Do I have to have a paternity test? She fucked two guys before me that day and went on to fuck another one at midnight.

Fuck, dude. What would I do? A normal chick I could almost stand impregnating. Not a prostitute with three kids and a fucking c-section scar. But what am I freaking out about- one drop. I think it went in her dress. I’m scared because when I blew my load on my stomach I didn’t get the one drop that makes it all the way to my neck. But I think I felt that first drop go into her dress. I’m afraid because I have impregnated a chick from one drop before. That first drop, which I recently read has the most sperm in it.

She said she might get an abortion this time, if she were pregnant. So, good. There’s a toehold there.

Fuck man.

I like this chick though.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Right? I would be a good father if it were some nice normal girl with a nice normal job. I would totally step into that shit— that role, whatever. But yeah, a chick with three kids already. Like, my plan was, if I ever impregnated some woman I didn’t want to be with I could at least mostly foist the baby off on her. But I don’t want my child living with a weird hooker.

Ugh.

Anyway. Not the end of the world. What am I so worried about? What would I be losing? A life I only complain about. I would just move to a zip code with better public schools and try to make some fucking money. Plus I hear single dads get laid like crazy. You have to go to shit where you’re around women all the time. I would always be out in the park; we’d go hiking and camping. Fishing. All the shit my friends are too lazy to do. I would teach my son how to play guitar. I would make my daughter get a fucking nosejob.

Here is exactly what’s going to happen: on the day she calls me to tells me she’s pregnant I will meet what would have been my future wife. Like, instantly, a beautiful, smart, interesting woman will be put in a situation where she has to talk to me and I can slowly grow on her over time.

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