Thursday, February 11, 2010

Repost from my OKCupid journal

How many motherfucking times do I have to tell you this. DO NOT date me. I will get you drunk and give you an STD. I will pour wine down your gullet, sneak it in sans jim hat, rawdog you again with my morning wood because we already have each other's AIDS, steal your panties from the hamper on my way out and then wear them as a mask while beating off to you after work, every detail exactly the same except I don't pull out like I am courteous enough to do in real life.

You deserve a nice man. Someone who cares about you and will call you. Good luck finding that fucker on the internet, though, because this shit is a straight up fuckfest. I was looking for companionship too, once, but internet dating is for easy pussy. Seriously, I can't get laid to save my life in the real world but with this shit I am Tiger Goddamn Woods.

They should use me in ads for OKCupid. Like, "Look, even THIS fucking guy gets laid." I am broke as the Third World and my face looks like it got hit with a shovel but you'd think I was Johnny Depp stepping off a private jet with these internet girls.

I guess they don't read the journals? I don't know.


Blogger Scott Wicken said...

God damn you're good...

3:45 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home