Friday, October 30, 2009

It would mean a lot to me, Nicole,

if you would move out from Stefan's place and move in with me immediately. I would give you foot rubs and bake you stuff all day. Ice cream for every meal. Unicorn rides. I'm not talking about some gross metaphor for my penis, either, I'm talking about a literal unicorn. I know they're kind of played out as camp but fuck it, fuck what people think. Unicorn *and* pegasus rides. Uni-pegasus rides. Any shit made from a horse and some other thing, you can ride on it. Centaurs. Hippogriffs. The Sea Monkeys' aquatic horse.

You could have Nintendo *and* Sega. I'd even get one of those switches from Radio Shack so you don't have to unscrew the fucking coaxial cable from all the way in back of the TV every time you wanted to switch. You know, how that little nut would never engage-- or it would always FEEL like it was going on but it was really threaded on there crooked and would just spin and spin and spin... you would never have to do that. Also, you would never have to blow on your fucking Nintendo games or do that thing where you don't push it in fully but instead creep it just ever so slightly back from fully in or else you just get flashing colors. If the game stops working, I buy you a new one. Immediately. That's the way shit goes down in the Rogier household. No shit like Deadly Towers, either, I will only buy you Contra and other awesome games.

Seriously, I don't know what else to say. You can decorate the place however you want; throw up a bunch of horse beach towels or whatever girls are into. Figure skating shit. You are talking to a dude who would sell his bone marrow for a single pair of your used panties, is what I'm saying. Fuck it, for a single sniff. I would take a drill into my own bones and sell the resulting goo to the Armenians, who tend to have high rates of myeloma because of inbreeding.

That last fact is true, by the way. They fuck their cousins and get cancer.

Anyway. Let me know what you decide.


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