Wednesday, May 10, 2006

doctors are stupid

if you are a doctor, fuck you.

back at the std clinic today, because of course this fucking thing still isn’t gone. what it is, really, is that after i pee, like 5 minutes later about 10 more drops of pee come out. that’s it. but i can no longer go to the free clinic for it because they’ve determined it’s not an std. so— i don’t fuck anybody for a year, no random pee coming out of my dick. i fuck a tremendous whore, one week later, random pee. it is one hell of a fucking coincidence.

but it’s not an std. i have to go to a urologist. and here’s the thing— doctors are stupid, and don’t know how to treat or cure diseases. they just know how to send you to more doctors. like my whole digestive thing— i was shitting myself with yellow pickle-brine, and had stabbing pains so bad i thought i was going to die. eight months: doctors, doctors, doctors. well, i’m going to send you to a specialist. we’re going to send your stool samples to the lab for more tests. we’re going to stick a camera in your ass and look around. what was it? “irritable bowel syndrome.” that means “we don’t know.” syndrome = medical language for “i have no fucking idea. we’re going to give your symptoms a fancy (or in this case stupid) name and pretend like we know something.” treatment: nothing. at this time, there is no treatment or cure. that’s because it’s not even a fucking disease.

so yeah, basically i dribble pee and my dick hurts a little. but it hurts because it’s sitting in pee. and my boxer shorts take on this acid crust of pee, and by the end of the day i smell like stale pee. like a homeless person. this is not something that should happen to a single 30 year-old-man.

here are my two diseases: shitting myself and pissing myself. thank you, jesus. thank you, god.

fucking cranky dick syndrome.

2 Comments:

Blogger iris of the dead said...

I've been enjoying chiropractors. There is someomething wondeeful about their snake oils.

3:53 AM  
Blogger iris of the dead said...

I'm sorry that your dick is feeling crabby. (wrong choice of words, how I meant the mood version, like inappropriate talk at breakfast, the not being ready for conversation before coffee, anyway, sorry).
Hope you're feeling better. Vulqockk. We're all pulling for you, Vulqokk.

8:40 AM  

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