Tuesday, April 18, 2006

burger king

ever since i can remember, i’ve had this coupon from burger king. it was in my wallet for at least five years; now it’s in my glove box. it’s good for a free whopper at any location and it has no expiration date. i haven’t used it because i’m never in a burger king and remember about the coupon at the same time.

i often think about this coupon. the fact that it will never expire makes it special, almost magical. i almost feel like i shouldn’t use it. what if there’s a time when i need a free whopper much more than now? what if i’m starving, and outside a burger king, and my only remaining possession is the coupon? i will give this burger king coupon to my children. i will laugh from my grave as my great-great-grandson presents this eternal, unrenounceable coupon to the aghast heads of galactic burger king incorporated in exchange for the last whopper in the universe, valued at one hundred trillion dollars.

i've run through the antibiotics and my penis still hurts.

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