Thursday, March 16, 2006

how *you* doin'?

i work at a movie studio, answering some guy’s phone for $30,000 a year with no benefits. but one of the cool things about it is i get an executive parking space. i don’t know why, but i do. it’s right next to fucking matt leblanc’s space and like three spaces down from tommy schlamme, who runs (ran) THE WEST WING. some heady shit.

except that every morning when i arrive, always first in the parking lot, there’s some douchebag studio tour with a bunch of man-pig hybrids from the midwest being driven around on a giant golf cart, and some douchebag failed comedian on a megaphone pointing out leblanc’s parking space and office as an item of interest. no joke- his fucking parking space. and then as i’m creaking and muttering out of my car after an hour-and-a-half workout early in the goddamn morning the tour guide has taken to habitually saying— “and here’s matt leblanc's office; you’ll know him as the star of FRIENDS and JOEY, and" (i get out of my car) “look— there he is now!” followed by great chuckling and mirth at the idea that this hideous cracked-nosed freak could possibly be mistaken for the gorgeous matt leblanc. fucking dick.

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