Thursday, March 16, 2006

diary from exactly one year ago

whose date affirms that it has now been one year since i last had sexual intercourse:

So this new chick is preoccupied with STD's. After one (awkward) token session with a condom we've been barebacking it every time, and since the first night she's been asking me: You've been tested for everything, right? You're sure, right? To which I say: yes. Of course. I have not had unprotected sex with anyone but a monogamous girlfriend since the last time I got tested for all STD's.

Which is bullshit. I have never been tested for all STD's. I have been tested for HIV exactly once* and since then I have barebacked not only my ex, who it turns out was a huge whore and took tons of unprotected cock just before/while we were dating, but also this other chick who-- well, she was the kind of girl who not only let me fuck her on the first date but responded to my slipping it in unprotected only with a smile, despite not knowing things like my sexual history or last name. Additionally, I have had sex with four prostitutes since then. And despite my buddy Charlie's sage advice-- "don't push it in too deep, dude, you're not trying to impress her" I invariably did. Who knows if it went just a hair past the condom ring?

I got tested for an STD one other time, when I had an ingrown hair on my penis and thought I must have genital warts. They wrapped my penis in an acid-soaked bandage and shined a UV light on it: warts are supposed to turn white, which it didn't. Still, I wouldn't take no for an answer and went back twice, and then once to another clinic, to have the test replicated. It was physically irritating and psychologically horrific but at the time I was so convinced that I must somehow be punished for boning so many sluts that I knew I had VD.

*Which was such a miserable experience of spending two weeks hellishly convinced that I must have AIDS that I'm never getting tested for it again, ever.


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