Wednesday, March 22, 2006

diary 3/5: birthday party at tokyo delve's

so afterwards there was this fat chick the size of a polar bear kind of shambling around on the sidewalk. i guess it was her birthday, too, because she had one of those conical hats on. except hers was sticking out of the *side* of her head. anyway, she kept kind of slumping halfway out into the street, with the crack of her huge and yet oddly kind of planar ass hanging out, moaning to herself… and none of her friends were stopping her. i thought: maybe i should do something. maybe i should go out and say: you know, if you can’t keep a hat *that has a fucking strap on it* secured to your head properly, maybe you shouldn’t be trying to negotiate traffic. but i didn’t. i just stood there kind of praying that she wouldn’t get cracked and turn the night into one of those weird creepy traumas that keep recurring to you every time you get drunk.

the whole night was a fucking freakshow, though. i had been up for two days on cocaine, and got basically an hour of sleep, but the whole thing with this party was that it was kind of a prix fixe menu of room-temperature sushi for $20, and if i didn’t show the group would have had to absorb my fee, so... so i showed up to this random sushi bar in the valley and all the staff were wearing microphones on their heads but yelled at absolute top volume anyway, right into your ear. like as soon as i walked in they all yelled “HEEEYYYY!!! and immediately i felt like a dog when you turn a hose on it. and there were flashing lights, and more loud noises, and lots of sort of valley-type like salt-of-the-earth overweight people with too much makeup on, there for bachelorette parties or whatever. and fuck— they had, there was like a whole twisted dinner theatre thing where these amusement- park-mascot type actors did a very elaborate reenactment of an old N-Sync video, with eerie accuracy… and fuck, all kinds of other shit… it had this bosch-hell quality, they were playing ratt and shit… and just, they made everybody do the funky chicken— it was nuts.

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