Friday, January 20, 2006

diary 1/18/06

Yeah, I have to get rid of the car. Because if I fix the turbo then something else is going to go. The fucking shocks.

What the fuck? Why couldn’t I sleep last night? Why did I have to drink that booze? Why am I so fucking fat? Why? Why why why? Why is my car breaking, my rent getting raised, my job falling apart, my personal life miserable-- what the fuck? Why can’t I just be happy?

I’m glad I don’t live in Afghanistan, but still. In Afghanistan, if I were pissed off, I could come home and beat my wife. I hate to say it, but I would probably feel better afterwards. I could fuck my daughter, if I had one. I could fuck my buddy in the ass. Those guys are all polesmokers.

I wouldn’t be bothered by all this existential bullshit, either. I would have a very deep-seated faith that there was an Allah and if I lived a certain way I could get to heaven. I would be poor, but really-- I’m poor now. I wouldn’t have to shave or bathe, and my wife would still have to fuck me. She wouldn’t cheat on me, either—- you don’t have to worry about any of that bullshit over there. They cut their clit off, for one thing, and for another if she *does* cheat you can kill her. Although I bet there are some dry-pussy issues when youre fucking a chick without a clit. And you get to marry them when they're thirteen.

I wouldn’t have to worry about my weight—- in fact my *goal* would be to be fat.

Yeah, well—- it would suck to live in Africa,too. But still—- those guys get laid. That’s why there’s so much AIDS—- because people are constantly fucking, all the time. Bareback, too—- they don’t believe in condoms. They think diseases are caused by spirits and can be cured by witch doctors... and look, a big part of our medicine is all bullshit, too, so I’m not judging them. Seriously.

Fucking—nothing, nothing ever happens...

This day cannot go by fast enough. Each passing second is-- fucking *offensive*-- frustrating—- if I had been able to sleep. If I had been able to fucking sleep—- if it hadn’t been too hot, too cold—- fucking go to sleep sweaty or wake up fucking freezing—- jesus god the fucking time won’t go by fast enough... I need to hurt somebody.


Blogger Blazerwolf said...


4:13 AM  
Blogger vulkoqq said...


3:27 AM  
Blogger iris of the dead said...

You move me.

8:15 PM  
Blogger iris of the dead said...

come on! tell me something!

10:37 AM  

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