Saturday, December 24, 2005

stage fright

i have a hernia, i think. and my nuts hurt, too... or rather that muscle right under my nuts, the cremaster. i was about to take a piss at the office; there are three urinals-- two normal ones and one short midget one-- and i go for the one in the corner, and this agent walks in, short guy... and instead of going for the midget urinal on the other side like etiquette would dictate he has to go for the middle one right next to me. and normally i don't get stage fright but this fucker looked at me just as i was taking my dick out of my shorts and made this sort of meaningful eye contact-- not a homo thing but this weird kind of contemplative, philosophical look, and i had to really ponder this guy's inchoate preverbal communication for a second while i was also very conscious of the smooth warm flesh of my penis in the other hand... and it weirded me out.

but then he started pissing like normal and you know I had to start pissing too; he's standing right next to me and he's going to hear if I make no sound, and somehow his weird deeply thoughtful look is going to make it apparent that he caused me to have stage fright, and so i just had to strain like a motherfucker, through blinding pain, to squirt out this tiny token hiss of urine to convince this guy... and i think i gave myself a hernia.

3 Comments:

Blogger Julie said...

TG for the privacy of stall is all I have to say. Thats just weird that men get that sort of opportunity to examine each other like that.

3:14 AM  
Blogger Mr. Richard Lee said...

I have pissed in urinals in public bathrooms a thousand times, just like any other guy. And I have never, ever tried to visually inspect another guy's dick while doing that. And I have never, ever had anyone try to visually inspect my dick while I was urinating. There is a code of silence at the stalls. You are supposed to stare straight ahead or straight down, piss in silence, and go on your way quickly.

Anyone who breaks the code can be subject to a public beatdown.

10:17 AM  
Blogger drowning in the desert said...

Not only wierd, but true. I get in the shitter and I am relaxing. Foul vile smell comes from my stall, loud sounds--im at work. I see the shoes in the stall next to mine, they look familiar, but can't quite place it.

Then i realize, he is looking at my feet too, and my pantaround my ankles, wondering who the loud smelly fuck is. SO, I try to time it. Is he done yet? Should I wipe off quickly, wash my hands, then head out before he knows who the culprit is, or wait, his shoes, hes a young guy, probably about 21, he will be out sooner than I will..I will wait, sure enough... I get 5 toilet paper rolls ready and resting in my pant crotch located around my ankle, like gauze on next to a surgeons table ready for the bleeding.

The ass gasket in the stall next to me begins to crinkle as he moves around to wipe his ass. I text message on my phone to someoneabout something meaningless to pass the time like "sup bitch". 2, maybe 3 quick swipes of the TP on his ass, and hes off.... Now it is my time to make a break for it.

1:33 PM  

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