Tuesday, September 06, 2005

drunk as fuck and high on cocaine

all right-- i'm drunk as fuck and high on cocaine. i feel good-- not exactly lucid, but definitely sort of-- the air is very thick, and warm ,and the sound of the fan provides a sort of middle note that makes everything feel as though it were underwater. i started at 8, so i'm past that initial pure euphoria, that chatty idealistic bliss, and into a sort of more hadrcore high, slightly more agitated but also more visionary. and already, in fact almost from the beginning, i'm thinking longingly of... well, this time it's the bulb from the turkey baster. i'm going to stop at 7-11 on the way home and buy non-lubricated condoms, and duct tape one of them (filled with warm water) to the base of the turkey baster so i can squeeze it and make it pulsate. of course, in reality a) a trip to the 7-11 while crashing off coke on the long walk home would be a fucking garish hell and b) of course the tape would get wet and just come off, probably when i had the whole apparatus in my bed. but nonetheless.

yeah, it's good to be fucked up. and i'll be hung over but still, i would have been miserable anyway.

how to explain how i feel? at first, it was just like pure happiness, like evrything was a good idea. sweeping up the pieces of (name omitted at the request of the habitual schedule 1 drug user in question)'s broken wineglass was genuinely fun, and when she thanked me for it i felt like it was unnecessary... and honestly, (see above) is the absolute best person ever to talk to when you're high.


Blogger Julie said...

I dont get the turkey baster bit. Please explain.

1:43 AM  
Blogger vulkoqq said...

i actually thought about scanning some drawings on here for some of these contraptions. this one i never even bothered to attempt, but it's pretty much exactly how it's outlined above. the part i didn't explain is that when you squish your dick into the tip of a water-filled condom it recedes back into itself, creating a little mouthlike concavity that can apply more or less pressure as you squeeze the condom further up. The problem here is that the turkey baster would have to have been filled with air, and once a big air bubble gets into the picture it fucks everything up. the presssure doesn't go where you want it to go; you end up fucking the air bubble (especially if you want to be on to of the thing, since the air floats up,) and the air just isn't nice and warm and yielding like the water...

2:34 AM  

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