Monday, August 15, 2005

diary 8-13-05: noises that irritated me

this goddamn fuckstick with his hammering, sawing-- power saw, his nail gun, starting at 8 in the fucking morning on a saturday in the garage right behind my house-- what the fuck is it with these people and their goddamn construction projects in the middle of hollywood, their weekend hobby bullshit-- it belongs in the fucking suburbs. you don't get this kind of shit in new york, i bet.

so what the fuck-- and who the fuck is thumping around next door to me-- was that on the roof? just as i was about to fall back asleep, this fucking thumping, and i remember i was saying the word "sandra."

ok , now the Bulgarians with their fucking juicer. i can't even begin to tell you how just, floridly and elaborately irritating this sound is, with its warbling variations in pitch, its ariatic flights and basso profundo animal growls... they roll in big shopping carts of bulk vegetables, not from the farmers market but from some secret wholesale food source designed for institutional buyers like nursing homes, big brown paper bags full of carrots and parsnips, and weird herbs, and the guy-- once i told him my knees hurt, and he told me the source was a fucking parasitic infection--

people who believe in homeopathic medicine are stupid. if you believe in homeopathic medicine, you are stupid. also-- people who believe in chinese medicine are stupid. next time you cut off your thumb go stick a fucking pin in yourself-- these are people who believe that the color of earth spread on your ancs--

jesus fucking christ that juicer!

--spread on your ancestor's grave dictates whether you will have a male child (so don't fuck up, or you'll have to throw another baby away)

holy fucking shit, it's like -- these are people -- whenever you see on National Geographic about how some majestic animal is disappearing off the face of the earth it's always because Chinese people are grinding it up for medicine. black rhino horn. seahorses. tiger penis. in fact, not only is it always Chinese people but it's always medicine for VD or impotence. and they think fucking a virgin girl will cure AIDS. these people are fucking retarded, OK?

all these herbs and shit...

stupid

not ripe, healthy looking vegetables like from the farmers market but big knobby, tumor-covered roots and shit, grim grey cancerous looking things that appeal to some deep Eastern European love of despair… eet is pehrasite... you take, you go, get herbs, you know, the doctors, they only tell you that which will make them the most money... you go, take the herbs, very cheap-- if herbs make you sick, if eet giff you headache-- then is working.. you know you heff pehrasite…

and now the fucking garbage truck…

3 Comments:

Blogger cathy no said...

i love seahorses but i've never actually seen one for real so i started wondering if they were mythical dragon 'n unicorn kinda creatures, na mean?

1:42 AM  
Blogger vulkoqq said...

they're quite real. some of them are just insanely elaborate and delicate angelic-looking things... they apparently are thought to cure syphilis or erectile dysfunction or something when dried up and powdered.

the seahorse is unique among animals in that the *male* actually gestates the young. the female uses her "oviduct" tube to implant the eggs in the male's "brood pouch." the eggs are fertilized and hatched inside the male's body.

i should add: i do not hate chinese people.

2:02 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

I wear Macks foam ear plugs half the time when I'm at home. My pet peeve here is the plantain saleman and the knife sharpener who blows his whistle 24/7 and not to mention the Steven King sounding ice cream cart guy.

6:04 AM  

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