Thursday, July 21, 2005

oh yeah the other thing

oh yeah the other thing is when i come off coke i have to beat off like ten times. i make this crazy artificial vagina out of a condoms filled with hot water... i wrap my pillow in a trash bag so it doesn't get soaked with lube and i stuff it into a pair of panties that i stole from some chick's laundry, trying to mold it into the shape of an ass. then i fold up the condom-- if the slit is vertical, it feels more like a pussy but if it's horizontal it's like a mouth and the little nobbin-end feels like the tip of a tongue-- anyway, i take the condom and stuff it into the crotch of my ass-creation, cover it in lube, and fuck it. it gets very complicated, all the various parts want to fall out of whack and i can never hold it together long enough to actually get off... usually i just get tired if it and come from just plain old beating off. still, every fucking time i do coke i have to leave the party early and come home with some of my stash left so i can stay high for about three more hours and obsessively build and modify these little arts-and-crafts artificial pussies. crazy shit. also, while i'm still high i try to get myself extra horny by thinking of the most devious possible things-- children, fat chicks, raping my friends, etc., but eventually that shit can't get me off either and i always revert back to the same few workhorses-- hot ex girlfriends who were extra fun to fuck, chicks that i almost fucked or could have but didn't, etc. Julie ***** is a big one-- shit, i hope she doesn't read this. anyway, yeah, i've been beating off to her for like eight years now.


Blogger Jacke said...

I saw a good tip on tv once where you fill a termos with macarones and water and let it soak for a while (on swedish government-funded SVT, no less).

Of course I never tried it. Maybe when I move out.

5:10 AM  
Blogger cathy no said...

it's 11pm. leslie & i are on the phone right now & she's reading your blog out loud to me and i'm lmfao.

7:15 AM  
Blogger cathy no said...

brady & i will be in palos verdes next wednesday 7/27. whaddya say me, brady, u, & richard lee all get together for some karaoke? how far are u guys from palos verdes? we will have a rental car yo.

7:17 AM  
Blogger cathy no said...

goodnity leslie! i'm going to bed now.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Mr. Richard Lee said...

I am going to the Hollywood Bowl on July 27. There is a jazz performance that night with Buddy Guy.

But you wacky kids have fun. Aren't you in town for more than just a Wednesday, or is this some kind of a very strange vacation?

5:38 AM  
Blogger cathy no said...

lmfao @ very strange vacation! no, i'm flying in on wed nite for a thursday wedding in palos verdes but i'll be around until sunday. on friday i want to stay at a hotel near the celebrity la area & santa monica & koreatown & crenshaw. where can i stay that won't cost too much? help me.

5:43 PM  
Blogger vulkoqq said...

ok, now that i took julie's last name off I should clarify that it's not the same julie that posts here all the time.

2:59 AM  
Blogger vulkoqq said...

then again i guess it's pretty obvious that "i hope she doesn't read this" is incompatible with "posts here all the time."

4:30 AM  
Blogger Mr. Richard Lee said...

I didn't know you were into Chinese chicks, Tim. They are the dirtiest things on the planet. They don't believe in pesky things like hygiene, let alone feminine hygiene. In other words, with all the dandruff a typical Chinese girl has on her head from not showering, you better believe she's got a truckload of crabs, fungi, and bacteria all over her snatch from never rinsing out her cunt in her life, even after fucking or menstruating.

I hope you wrapped up because I wouldn't be surprised if her fuckhole was filled with open sores and leftover smegma from doing other unclean, uncircumcised Chinese guys.

On the other hand, if you are talking about the Julie ****** from The Early Show, then you're in luck because she seems to be one of the few hygienically sound Chinese chicks out there. At least she looks the part with her clothes on. I doubt you're talking about her, though, because I'm pretty sure she is a USC product and not an East Coaster.

6:32 AM  
Blogger cathy no said...

lmfao i was eating my lunch when i re-read this post from richard

10:25 PM  

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