Tuesday, July 26, 2005

must love hogs

Those dove ads-- with the fat chicks standing around in their panties... the one all the way on the right, with the chin-length brown hair, kind of tan. She's got this cute round face that makes her look about fourteen years old, this cute little nubbin nose... oh god, do i want to fuck that pig... that sloppy fat whore... her fat looks all smooth and soft, not all cellulitey and grainy like real fat chicks. Like there's muscle underneath it. Man, I just want to come in that hot little underage sow and make her have my baby...

The rest of them are disgusting.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

oh yeah the other thing

oh yeah the other thing is when i come off coke i have to beat off like ten times. i make this crazy artificial vagina out of a condoms filled with hot water... i wrap my pillow in a trash bag so it doesn't get soaked with lube and i stuff it into a pair of panties that i stole from some chick's laundry, trying to mold it into the shape of an ass. then i fold up the condom-- if the slit is vertical, it feels more like a pussy but if it's horizontal it's like a mouth and the little nobbin-end feels like the tip of a tongue-- anyway, i take the condom and stuff it into the crotch of my ass-creation, cover it in lube, and fuck it. it gets very complicated, all the various parts want to fall out of whack and i can never hold it together long enough to actually get off... usually i just get tired if it and come from just plain old beating off. still, every fucking time i do coke i have to leave the party early and come home with some of my stash left so i can stay high for about three more hours and obsessively build and modify these little arts-and-crafts artificial pussies. crazy shit. also, while i'm still high i try to get myself extra horny by thinking of the most devious possible things-- children, fat chicks, raping my friends, etc., but eventually that shit can't get me off either and i always revert back to the same few workhorses-- hot ex girlfriends who were extra fun to fuck, chicks that i almost fucked or could have but didn't, etc. Julie ***** is a big one-- shit, i hope she doesn't read this. anyway, yeah, i've been beating off to her for like eight years now.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

random piece of correspondence taken completely out of context

She was the only chick I ever had anal sex with. Most girls it never came up, and since I know most chicks don't take pleasure in it I had never been very pushy. I am a very considerate lover, I'll have you know. But she liked it. I only did it with her once because shortly thereafter I got IBS and the human ass became, in my view, a gut-wrenchingly abhorrent fountain of befoulment. I can't even watch anal sex in porn anymore.

Yes she swallowed every time.

Her favorite position and mine = chick on top, facing front. I am exceptionally gifted in this position. The key is to not try to be all flashy but... OK, I can't quite talk about this shit with you yet.

She was taking cocks at the beginning-- she was dating some other dude when she met and then fell in love with me. When they broke up, we were dating as of that moment and she knew it, but since she was a whore she still took a couple cocks just for kicks, and pretended we weren't dating yet. I knew, but she wouldn't admit to it until after we broke up. I would always be like "look, I know you're a whore, but I don't care. I love you anyway. You don't have to lie to me. I would have cheated on you, too, if I could have found girls to fuck me. Hell, I would cheat on you now..." I believe in being honest.

All women are whores, and they all cheat, because they can. It doesn't make them bad people.

And yeah, the way you described her as an uninhibited freak is totally accurate. A very sexually giving person who at the same time is also unafraid about receiving pleasure. We worked together; the first time we ever fucked was on our boss's desk.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

relapse-o-rama

I did cocaine on friday. I'm still hung over... it was always the case that the next day would be a fucking disaster, just restlessly sleeping all day and then finally getting up to order 20 domino's chicken wings and watch TV... but nowadays, as you get older, you know, hangovers develop this unholy staying power, they become these epics with such far-reaching consequences that to get real drunk or high just once is like this life-changing event... the hangover is like having the flu, something you can really only afford to go through two or three times a year. So it's been 36 hours and my mind is still crippled and numb, my body is still stiff and... fucking, spasming... and I'm trying to force it and go out and walk the streets and do my normal weekend errands and shit but the world is in a swimming haze and I get distracted by weird hallucinatory furry animals running across my peripheral vision, weird brown dogs and like.. wolverines... swarms of asteroids...

I am too old for this shit. But I fucking miss it! Look, I'm fucking entitled, because-- I am miserable all the goddamn fucking time, I am despondent and without hope every second of every single fucking day and sometimes i just want to feel different, and if it's just for a few hours-- ah fuck. I just want to feel something else. And I know what it's going to be like, degrading into endless repetitive conversations, and then the crash-- the crash