Tuesday, May 31, 2005

the mcdonald's corporation of america

It was my job to throw out the lard. Or whatever the fuck it was-- 100% healthful canola oil or some shit-- it was this huge tall bin of white, semi-congealed fat from the fryers with chunks of filet o' fish and floor-dropped hamburger patties that had been stewing at just above room temperature for days. They had a special dumpster for it, this big black steel trap with a heavy lid that opened onto a thick grate, and inside was just months and months worth of this rancid meat fat. The black box would heat up in the sun during the day and all the fat would melt into soupy grease, then it would cool by night and recongeal into a thick gelatinous mass. It smelled like a corpse and there were clouds of flies.

One time I found a dead skunk in there. Someone had left the lid open and the creature had somehow wormed through the four-inch holes in the grate-top, driven mad by the smell of meat. It had dropped down into the grease, which must have been liquid at that point, and I guess it couldn't get a grip on the slippery walls and probably exhausted itself trying to stay afloat. By the time I found it the grease had recongealed and it was like Han Solo encased in carbonite-- its muzzle frozen in a snarl of fear and pain and its little claw forever reaching out, futilely, for the steel bars that were just out of reach.

It was a message-- a symbol of some kind. God was trying to tell me something about the self-destructive nature of my dreams. But I couldn't wrap my mind around it; I was beat, and I had to go mop down the kitchen and get back to making quarter pounders. So I dumped my bucket of warm fat over its face and went back inside.


Blogger Julie said...

I don't think its expression was a snarl of fear but rather a look of pure skunk joy. He was being raptured in a tub of lard, Tim. That is any skunk's fantasy death. So God wasnt sending you a negative message. Rather he was like, "Hey Tim. Have a good laugh at this stupid ass skunk I've sent you for your viewing pleasure."

3:05 AM  
Blogger cathy no said...

i always get excited when i click on "comments" cuz i know it'll be either julie or richard.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

I bet Tim gets really excited too when he sees comments like, "Ooh, ooh who commented?" And then he's like, "Oh just Julie." Or "Cathy again."

2:53 AM  
Blogger cathy no said...

lmfao and they turn to conversations, not even comments on his blog. he's gonna kick our fannies.

6:51 PM  
Blogger vulkoqq said...

i like to think that people who are just "skimming" the blog-- but don't read all the comments-- nonetheless see them and think "wow, a lot of people read this dude's blog."

6:22 AM  
Blogger Larry said...

Oh yes someone new has commented on tim's blog. i loved the post, it showed how futile life can be, and julie's comment about skunk rapture was right on.

6:30 AM  
Blogger Carson Day said...

I don't have the foggiest idea who Julie and Cathy are. But I do have slightly different interpretation of the skunk episode.

Although the Han Solo imagery sure makes for good writing, we must recall that Han -- unlike the skunk -- made a great comeback.

No, Pepe LePew showed the world something about America. He let his lust for fast food and hot liquids do him in. He put on display for you what could happen to the nation if its people do not start showing some self-control.

They must back off the coffee and high-fat diet, or else. And because this is the proper analogy, I have no doubt that he in fact had raised his paws in defiance.

His last words, "My lawyer is going to have a field day with your shareholders!!" truly convey for us the spirit of Americana.

6:43 AM  
Blogger Julie said...


Tim if I got half the comments as you, I'd be one happy exhibitionist. (Hope its not entirely inappropriate to put my link here...)

2:53 AM  
Blogger cathy no said...

julie's blog is very good! read it!

6:16 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home