Sunday, April 17, 2005

watch me fuck up

All right, so I haven't written anything in a couple weeks and it's because I've been happy. I got laid. I fucked an extremely hot chick, this girl *******, Courtney's friend. She's an actress. She was on Passions and The Young and the Restless. That's how hot she is.*

So, not having been miserable I've not been inspired. But now I'm back at my desk because things are back to normal.

I'm miserable again. I'm miserable because I'm very excited about this girl and I know I'm going to fuck it up. I'm going to fuck it up by being miserable about knowing that I'm going to fuck it up, and then after my being miserable goes ahead and fucks it up I'm going to be even more miserable. Probably more miserable than when I started.

Also, I have a canker sore.

Holy fucking goddamn shit-- this girl is fantastic. But when I'm with her, anticipating that I'm going to fuck it up somehow, I try to concentrate on the unattractive things about her so when I lose her it won't seem so bad in retrospect . For instance, *(potentially inflammatory sentiments omitted)*.

But whatever, it all amounts to nothing because she's just one of those people that has perfect bone structure and is just generally well-built and there's not much she could do to blow it. And she likes me! We have a great time! She must have been abused or molested or something because if she had any real gage of how attractive she is she would want to find another extremely good-looking, charming person and date them. Or at least somebody not so self-sabotagingly, self-referentially insecure.

Hang on a second, I have to go rinse my mouth with warm salt water...

The problem with this canker sore: so my aforementioned diet and exercise program has actually been working like a motherfucker and has given me nice sunken cheeks. But the sore is on the inside of one cheek and it makes that side all inflamed and swollen, thus reducing its sunken-ness and further creating this almost imperceptible but definitely real kind of lumpy asymmetry in my face. And I have to see this chick tonight. I have to call her soon, in fact, and I'm afraid to because even though when we're actually together I have-- honestly-- some of the greatest fucking times I have ever had in my life, and what's more I think it's actually fully reciprocated-- our phone conversations are horrible. Just unbelievably stupid and awkward, each person's insecurities forcing them to act unnatural and weird and not wanting to fuck up and then "candidly" admitting said insecurities in ways that don't let off the pressure but rather only make you more insecure.

But man-- that first night, in the hot tub at Courtney's mom's house-- a cool wind blowing, ripping through that crazy rose garden , that sixty-foot tall bamboo whipping around, hissing... down on the beach at night just making out on the shore for like hours-- incredible. Just incredible. I was thrilled to be alive.

*Look, don't go IMDB her or anything; they were bit parts.


Blogger cocopop said...

gauge also gage

A standard or scale of measurement.
A standard dimension, quantity, or capacity.
An instrument for measuring or testing.
A means of estimating or evaluating; a test: a gauge of character

DAMMIT. I wanted to leave a post correcting your misspelling. Oh well.

9:58 AM  
Blogger iris of the dead said...

I am heartbroken that you've found love. good for you, I guess. whatever. Your nose is too big anyway, I suppose.

But moreover, will you link your blog to me. I love your blog. It's one of my favorite things to read.
Me, I've gotten laid finally. Now, the difficult work of getting laid again... Women should not talk like this.

Read Flan O'brien. At swim two Birds. it's good if you haven't.

9:43 PM  
Blogger cathy no said...


10:23 PM  
Blogger Mr. Richard Lee said...

I don't believe you. Post photos to prove it.

10:32 PM  
Blogger Kerri Rachelle said... story, or event, actually. Anyway, it made me laugh.

10:35 PM  
Blogger Paul McDonald said...

Cool blog! Keep it up!

11:09 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

The photo of Tim's girlfriend has been made available at:

12:19 AM  
Blogger cathy no said...

ok seriously lmfao @ these comments. julie, you are too cute. tim's not gonna be amused by my dumbass pointless comment.

5:45 PM  

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